Regent Market Co-Op

Letters to the Editor

To Scallion staff: I see that a medical marijuana bill recently died in the Madison legislature, despite strong popular support for it. No matter. It will eventually pass, and I am writing to urge the RMC to get out ahead on it. Our neighborhood is full of aging Boomers like me. Like Bill Clinton, when I had the chance back in the 70s, I didn’t inhale. And that must be true for many of my neighbors. We’re in our 60s now and we could use a little marijuana. We have aches here, pains there. And anxiety too. Our grown children coming back to live at home, for example. Surely there are a few doctors in the neighborhood who’d be willing to do some community service and write the prescriptions. And what about that Regent Market Gardeners group I read about in the Scallion? Here’s a good crop for them. Aren’t you into locally-grown over there? Time to get on it, RMC.       Minnie H. Neebe

Dear Scallion: My friends and I are going to be freshmen at West in the fall. We are upset because the co-op has closed Teen Tattoo for the summer. We heard a rumor though that it’s really been closed for good and that the Body Art Specialist Trixie has been fired. We think it’s unfair to us new freshmen because now we’ll lose our chance at getting a Trixie Tattoodoodle. The story going around is that somebody’s grandmother was visiting and just happened to step into the bathroom by mistake (yeah, right) and saw a tattoo on her granddaughter on a body part where she thought it didn’t belong. The girl’s mother didn’t know about the tattoo and then she got mad not at the girl but at the grandmother for finding out first. Then the father got into it with the mother. “Why do you let your daughter run wild like this? Her grandmother is upset and now she won’t come to visit us anymore. Is this what you wanted all along? What if she decides not to help out with the college tuition?” and on and on. This is Trixie’s fault?      Four Freshgirls

To the editor: I am a regular reader of the Scallion so I know how the board of the co-op is always trying to come up with marketing schemes, most of them, I have to say, half-baked. Boy, did you guys ever miss the boat on that “Public Enemy” opportunity. Everyone in Wisconsin seemed to get a little slice of that pie but the Regent Market. There’s another chance for you though. Dillinger wasn’t the only bad boy passing through Wisconsin! Heck no! My idea is that the co-op can get some choice media spots by “claiming” Al Capone, for one. He must have passed through Madison on his way from Chicago to his hideaway up north. Let’s remember how long a grocery has been standing at your location. He must have stopped there for something to eat. Maybe he even attempted to rob it! Who’s around to say he didn’t? Maybe the T-men were following and there was a little shoot-out in front. Have you checked around for bullet holes? You see where I’m going? And that’s just for starters. What about Ed Gein? What a grisly guy he was! Sensational! A little known fact: his mother ran a grocery in La Crosse! A natural connection! He had to stop in to see the store for her sake when he came down to Madison. Say what you want about Ed Gein, the man loved his mother.  Who knows, maybe someone in the neighborhood remembers him in there, maybe hanging around the meat counter a little too long? Something like that would hit the AP and go national overnight! From one day to the next, the Regent Market Coop is all over Fox News! And you know where I’m going next, of course. Jeffrey Dahmer, who else? The possibilities there are endless, although of course good taste would need to be exercised.

Glad to be of service, I am, Walter McKeown.

The Scallion staff welcomes your comments. Write to us at RMCenews@yahoo.com.